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FILM > REVIEWS
Chandni Chowk To China | 2009-01-15
Go take a leak at the Great Wall of China
Seven premieres across the globe, aggressive promotion , Akki everywhere, Deepika everywhere, the globe is already looking like China! Phew. The Bitch needs a breather now.
So as the lights dimmed, The Bitch dug into a bucket of popcorn and waited for the roller coaster ride ...it was a roller coaster ride indeed...on the Great Wall of China and The Bitch is still recovering.
A new genre of film has found existence. Farah Khan meets David Dhawan. Leave the thinking caps home, the villain will offer you his.
From chopping vegetables at Chandni Chowk, Siddhu (Akki) is dragged to Noodle Land because he is Lu Cheng, China‘s ancient warrior‘s reincarnate.
He‘s the only one who can save the inhabitants of some Chinese ‘kabila‘ from the hands of one merciless dictator, Hojo. Whatever is he terrorizing them for is anybody‘s guess!
Then we have the modern day ‘Seeta aur Geeta‘, yes once again we have Deepika Padukone in a double role. The desi one‘s called Sakhi, the noodle wali is called Meow, yes Meow and each time she appears, a cat meows from behind her ass or somewhere. Yeow!
Sakhi tours the country to pray for the salvation of her parent‘s souls. Little does she know her twin Meow has survived all these years and has become a goondi in Hojo‘s team. She also doesn‘t know her dad‘s alive and is an enterprising beggar by now.
Sidhu is a small fry for Hojo, so the latter thinks of having him bumped off by the super sexy Meow, who turns into a ‘vishkanya‘ to do so. So what if she‘s of Chinese origin, she dances and lip syncs Hindi songs to entice her prey.We‘re not looking for logic here, are we?
Sidhu‘s romance with Sakhi is paranormal and they fly in the air and sing songs, thus giving stiff competition to Govinda and Kimi of yore.
Reels later, Sidhu is beaten to pulp by Hojo. He is further broken when Mithun is killed off in front of him .Nature‘s call is so urgent that Hojo ends up peeing on poor Sidhu who is broken beyond repair. He vows to pee back on Hojo.
Pee ke badle pee.
He trains under the beggar -would be father in law-cop-Kung Fu champion, all rolled into one.
Then on, it‘s Kung Fu all the way, everything else takes a backseat. Sidhu fights with Hojo‘s men and also succeeds in commanding a 30 second ‘aandhi toofan‘.
Sakhi and Meow get to know they‘re twins, but somehow the ‘kumbh ke mela‘ reference has been kept at bay. Thank god for that!
The finale is action packed. We also sang ‘It‘s Raining Men‘ when we saw men flying and falling from all corners. When the sidekicks are kicked out and only Hojo is left, Sidhu tries hard to figure what is that exclusive ‘move‘ of his that can bump off the baddie. He thinks and thinks. We think too.
All he gets is flashes of himself chopping potatoes and carrots and kneading dough. He promptly practices the chops with gusto on the villain. Poor villain breathes his last.
So we know what trick to pass on to our heroes in Kargil.
With CC2C, Nikhil Advani proves once again, that even bad things come in variety. And fills us with gimmicks in the name of cinema. He makes the belief come true that scripts can be written on the sets itself and any damned director is equipped for execution. The souls of Farah Khan and David Dhawan loom large over every frame and every shot.
He should go back to assisting K Jo.
As Sakhi ,Deepika has nothing to do. As Meow she does need to fly here and there besides taking a talcum powder bath. Her backside and Banglorean accent still lingers. Oh and Akki keeps calling one of the sisters ‘chu chee‘. Explain me why please! Dirrty potato peeler Sidhu.
Mithun Da, who always spoke Hindi as though it was Bengali, speaks the ‘bhaiyya‘ lingo here. We were at our wit‘s end ya. Anything for dada!
Not a single song/tune in the film stays with you after you‘ve left the theatre. Action is superb, though unbelievable.
The entire film has been shot on The Great Wall Of China. Cost cutting, this.
And now to the King who thinks we‘re jesters. Akki repeats his act for the ...have lost count now. He jumps around, is kicked around, monkeys around and does just about anything in the name of acting. He lives his character but we‘re not buying the same stuff anymore Mr. Khiladi !
Stop fooling The Bitch. It‘s become a daunting task to tell your one film from the other. The only thing that changes is the flavor. If last year it was the Punjabi Tadka, this time around it‘s the Chinese twang . Spare us the buffoonery please.
(And you refer to your balls as ande, akhrot, goti...awesome man. Synonyms classes, anyone?)
There are many monkey shows on The Bitch‘s way to office.
And before we forget, the award for the best supporting actor is reserved for the ‘potato‘ this year! Hurrah!!!!
Go take a leak at the Great Wall of China
Seven premieres across the globe, aggressive promotion , Akki everywhere, Deepika everywhere, the globe is already looking like China! Phew. The Bitch needs a breather now.
So as the lights dimmed, The Bitch dug into a bucket of popcorn and waited for the roller coaster ride ...it was a roller coaster ride indeed...on the Great Wall of China and The Bitch is still recovering.
A new genre of film has found existence. Farah Khan meets David Dhawan. Leave the thinking caps home, the villain will offer you his.
From chopping vegetables at Chandni Chowk, Siddhu (Akki) is dragged to Noodle Land because he is Lu Cheng, China‘s ancient warrior‘s reincarnate.
He‘s the only one who can save the inhabitants of some Chinese ‘kabila‘ from the hands of one merciless dictator, Hojo. Whatever is he terrorizing them for is anybody‘s guess!
Then we have the modern day ‘Seeta aur Geeta‘, yes once again we have Deepika Padukone in a double role. The desi one‘s called Sakhi, the noodle wali is called Meow, yes Meow and each time she appears, a cat meows from behind her ass or somewhere. Yeow!
Sakhi tours the country to pray for the salvation of her parent‘s souls. Little does she know her twin Meow has survived all these years and has become a goondi in Hojo‘s team. She also doesn‘t know her dad‘s alive and is an enterprising beggar by now.
Sidhu is a small fry for Hojo, so the latter thinks of having him bumped off by the super sexy Meow, who turns into a ‘vishkanya‘ to do so. So what if she‘s of Chinese origin, she dances and lip syncs Hindi songs to entice her prey.We‘re not looking for logic here, are we?
Sidhu‘s romance with Sakhi is paranormal and they fly in the air and sing songs, thus giving stiff competition to Govinda and Kimi of yore.
Reels later, Sidhu is beaten to pulp by Hojo. He is further broken when Mithun is killed off in front of him .Nature‘s call is so urgent that Hojo ends up peeing on poor Sidhu who is broken beyond repair. He vows to pee back on Hojo.
Pee ke badle pee.
He trains under the beggar -would be father in law-cop-Kung Fu champion, all rolled into one.
Then on, it‘s Kung Fu all the way, everything else takes a backseat. Sidhu fights with Hojo‘s men and also succeeds in commanding a 30 second ‘aandhi toofan‘.
Sakhi and Meow get to know they‘re twins, but somehow the ‘kumbh ke mela‘ reference has been kept at bay. Thank god for that!
The finale is action packed. We also sang ‘It‘s Raining Men‘ when we saw men flying and falling from all corners. When the sidekicks are kicked out and only Hojo is left, Sidhu tries hard to figure what is that exclusive ‘move‘ of his that can bump off the baddie. He thinks and thinks. We think too.
All he gets is flashes of himself chopping potatoes and carrots and kneading dough. He promptly practices the chops with gusto on the villain. Poor villain breathes his last.
So we know what trick to pass on to our heroes in Kargil.
With CC2C, Nikhil Advani proves once again, that even bad things come in variety. And fills us with gimmicks in the name of cinema. He makes the belief come true that scripts can be written on the sets itself and any damned director is equipped for execution. The souls of Farah Khan and David Dhawan loom large over every frame and every shot.
He should go back to assisting K Jo.
As Sakhi ,Deepika has nothing to do. As Meow she does need to fly here and there besides taking a talcum powder bath. Her backside and Banglorean accent still lingers. Oh and Akki keeps calling one of the sisters ‘chu chee‘. Explain me why please! Dirrty potato peeler Sidhu.
Mithun Da, who always spoke Hindi as though it was Bengali, speaks the ‘bhaiyya‘ lingo here. We were at our wit‘s end ya. Anything for dada!
Not a single song/tune in the film stays with you after you‘ve left the theatre. Action is superb, though unbelievable.
The entire film has been shot on The Great Wall Of China. Cost cutting, this.
And now to the King who thinks we‘re jesters. Akki repeats his act for the ...have lost count now. He jumps around, is kicked around, monkeys around and does just about anything in the name of acting. He lives his character but we‘re not buying the same stuff anymore Mr. Khiladi !
Stop fooling The Bitch. It‘s become a daunting task to tell your one film from the other. The only thing that changes is the flavor. If last year it was the Punjabi Tadka, this time around it‘s the Chinese twang . Spare us the buffoonery please.
(And you refer to your balls as ande, akhrot, goti...awesome man. Synonyms classes, anyone?)
There are many monkey shows on The Bitch‘s way to office.
And before we forget, the award for the best supporting actor is reserved for the ‘potato‘ this year! Hurrah!!!!
Comments (11)
HAHAHA !!
Hahaha...i was in splits after reading this review it is soo damn funny!!
I have liked Akki for some of his films but in most of them the climax would be like a circus show (people running from one place to another and jumping up and down) as if it amuses the audience but the truth is we are tired of it!! I am not surprised this movie is no exception....
Bitch you rock ! keep on giving your movie review. I usually go through the bitch‘s review and then think of spending my hard earned cash on movies the bitch recommends ... | Bitch‘s Fan
Hahaha...i was in splits after reading this review it is soo damn funny!!
I have liked Akki for some of his films but in most of them the climax would be like a circus show (people running from one place to another and jumping up and down) as if it amuses the audience but the truth is we are tired of it!! I am not surprised this movie is no exception....
Bitch you rock ! keep on giving your movie review. I usually go through the bitch‘s review and then think of spending my hard earned cash on movies the bitch recommends ... | Bitch‘s Fan
BIATCH,,,, good one.. | samosa007
Akki meets twin deeps !
hi bitch,
fantastic review ! i saw this movie yesterday, & am still to recover my sanity, or-- whatever of it still remains after 3 hrs of monkey jumps, blood & Chinese twang < > bangalore brand hindi. Our
lovely Deeps has most unChinese features-huge eyes & a pointed nose, but s a = Zilch. Akki scores as usual. not bad , on the whole !
| ramsay james
hi bitch,
fantastic review ! i saw this movie yesterday, & am still to recover my sanity, or-- whatever of it still remains after 3 hrs of monkey jumps, blood & Chinese twang < > bangalore brand hindi. Our
lovely Deeps has most unChinese features-huge eyes & a pointed nose, but s a = Zilch. Akki scores as usual. not bad , on the whole !
| ramsay james
this is such a funny review.. im sure this is more funny than the movie itself.. Thanks for saving us the 3 hr torture | K
Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.......
I just came back from the movie and holy mother of f**k..This one‘s gotta be the most mind numbing piece of s**t created in the name of art..I mean this one makes a movie like Yuvraj look like a masterpiece..I wish I carried a flame-thrower to the theatre...100 bucks to anyone who head butts Nikhil Advani for me.... | Biatch part-2
I just came back from the movie and holy mother of f**k..This one‘s gotta be the most mind numbing piece of s**t created in the name of art..I mean this one makes a movie like Yuvraj look like a masterpiece..I wish I carried a flame-thrower to the theatre...100 bucks to anyone who head butts Nikhil Advani for me.... | Biatch part-2
UGG-LY!
Sh*tika is UGG- LLY! THIS MOVIE SUCKS! ... LOOKING FORWARD TO SONAM‘S DELHI 6. IT WILL BE AWESOME! | rhea
Sh*tika is UGG- LLY! THIS MOVIE SUCKS! ... LOOKING FORWARD TO SONAM‘S DELHI 6. IT WILL BE AWESOME! | rhea
HUGE
I expected no better of Akki. Instead of Kat, its deepika this time.. thts the only difference.
The review - v funny, better than the movie i am sure. | Ava
I expected no better of Akki. Instead of Kat, its deepika this time.. thts the only difference.
The review - v funny, better than the movie i am sure. | Ava
CHEATS!
Btw the storyline seems to have been lifted from Kung-Fu Panda - a cook‘s son is bored off his life and dreams of a life as a martial art specialist - then he is accidentally touted as the next dragon warrior who has to save the villagers from the bad guy -- sounds very similar!!! | vv
Btw the storyline seems to have been lifted from Kung-Fu Panda - a cook‘s son is bored off his life and dreams of a life as a martial art specialist - then he is accidentally touted as the next dragon warrior who has to save the villagers from the bad guy -- sounds very similar!!! | vv
Same League
Oh Boy!!!!!!!!RGV Ki Aag and Tashan now have a companion. CC2C was supposed to be a Blockbuster from Hit Kumar who is self proclaimed king by his last 6 hits with the same facial expressions and mindless comedy.Add to this, they promoted it all over the Globe. I fear, it must have taken Bollywood 10years back again. The agony is that even a lame viewer can detect so many faults, than why the guys like director, actor and all f**kin guys who are making such a sh*t cant detect and they serve as sh*t wrapped in golden foil in the name of entertainment. Akki please try somethinh different, a hibernation for a year or two is also suggested and than u can come bak with ur same skills again. And Deepika so much hungama over Martial Arts Training, wen u only do it once, rest of the time u were having ur sl*tty kisses to do ur job....Guys promotion can be really injurios to health if it backfires....Alas there is a good thing Akki can play Super Commando Dhruv easily after his action skills in Tashan and this one....Really wanna ask the producer to pay me back with a strip of Disprin.... | Sudeep
Oh Boy!!!!!!!!RGV Ki Aag and Tashan now have a companion. CC2C was supposed to be a Blockbuster from Hit Kumar who is self proclaimed king by his last 6 hits with the same facial expressions and mindless comedy.Add to this, they promoted it all over the Globe. I fear, it must have taken Bollywood 10years back again. The agony is that even a lame viewer can detect so many faults, than why the guys like director, actor and all f**kin guys who are making such a sh*t cant detect and they serve as sh*t wrapped in golden foil in the name of entertainment. Akki please try somethinh different, a hibernation for a year or two is also suggested and than u can come bak with ur same skills again. And Deepika so much hungama over Martial Arts Training, wen u only do it once, rest of the time u were having ur sl*tty kisses to do ur job....Guys promotion can be really injurios to health if it backfires....Alas there is a good thing Akki can play Super Commando Dhruv easily after his action skills in Tashan and this one....Really wanna ask the producer to pay me back with a strip of Disprin.... | Sudeep
headache
ur reveiw is so great as i myself hav suffered the torture and still not coping with it | sana
ur reveiw is so great as i myself hav suffered the torture and still not coping with it | sana
Well, the movie has flopped big time. I have asuggestion for the director. He should have starred Govinda and Amisha Patel and named it "Patiala to Patna". He could have grossed more money. | Nirupama
