Archives
- April, 2009
- February, 2009
- January, 2009
- December, 2008
- November, 2008
- October, 2008
- September, 2008
- August, 2008
- July, 2008
- June, 2008
- May, 2008
- April, 2008
- March, 2008
- February, 2008
- January, 2008
- December, 2007
- November, 2007
- September, 2007
- August, 2007
- July, 2007
- June, 2007
- May, 2007
- April, 2009
- February, 2009
- January, 2009
- December, 2008
- November, 2008
- October, 2008
- September, 2008
- August, 2008
- July, 2008
- June, 2008
- May, 2008
- April, 2008
- March, 2008
- February, 2008
- January, 2008
- December, 2007
- November, 2007
- September, 2007
- August, 2007
- July, 2007
- June, 2007
- May, 2007
FILM > REVIEWS
Raaz, The Mystery Abused | 2009-01-23
The Bitch watched this horror film alone in the theatre. Where's my prize money?
Warning: Spoiler Alert Ahead, Read At Your Own Slow Pace
First day, first show. Hall bilkul empty. Row H, seat number 17, ekdum centrepiece. The Bitch was set for spooks and thrills.
I didn‘t even buy popcorn, coz I thought I‘d spill more than I could chew. The film will be eerie and frightening oh my!
I yelled out to the guy in the projector room to roll the film. Stupid doofus, he started the smoke machine instead.
Grrr, I growled, "Not yet, am not ready for the chills, start the show reel old man."
As Kangana first appeared on the screen, I screamed. How I screamed. Mummieeeeeee!!!
That girl can scare the poo-poo and pee-pee out of me by just appearing in any film. She does not have to be possessed for that. She was born deranged. And the way she speaks with her twisted lisped tongue, is enough to scare anyone who does not believe in ‘andhvishwaas‘.
Adh-ya-yawn is the guy who does not believe in ‘andhvishwaas‘. So he‘s dating the chick. He is anchor Yash who invites Nandita (Kangana) a ramp model, to an awards event where he wins top honors for a television show. A trophy is handed to him which bears an uncanny resemblance to an Oscar. Cough cough, I did!
To celebrate this, they sing a lovely trashy duet in the hills. Then Prithvi (Emraan Hashmi) chances upon Nandita at a mall and he‘s frightened by her scary looks. Just like me.
He tells her he likes to scare people. Totally man, he does scare us all the time when he stars in any goddamn film. Remember Haley Joel Osment in ‘The Sixth Sense‘ and his classic line, "I see dead people." Emraan is one up; he paints dead people he hasn‘t seen!
He paints events before they occur and Nandita happens to be the woman he‘s been heavily painting for no reason. Why doesn‘t he use charcoal? So much precious oil paint is spent, Dali would say surreal!
He tells her that her life is in danger, and he‘s ready to help her find out the raaz about it. The rest...you gotta be kidding if I give away, it‘s a horror film guys! The mystery should continue no?
Here‘s what I‘ll tell you though. There are nods to films such as ‘Ringu‘, The Ring‘ ‘The Ring 2‘ ‘The Shining‘, ‘The Fountain‘. The Bhatts are photo-copying horror prints frame by frame.
Neitzsche‘s ‘God Is Dead‘ quote is mis-interpreted. Sant Kabir‘s doha is used for special effect. Emraan Hashmi‘s paints Che Guevara portraits, and should have been a T-shirt painter instead. Kango walks the ramp and acts as though she‘s possessed and her boyfriend is so blah-ordinary, he really-really scares.
Kango‘s wrists are slashed so many times in the film; she should have been dead by now. Emraan Hashmi should consider painting truck rear ends for a living. Adh-ya-yawn can rot in hell for all I care.
As for the Bhatts, there‘s a writing on the wall, which flashes as a suicide note every time someone dies on screen. It reads, ‘Tum asudh ho, sadh chuke ho‘ meaning "You are a copycat; you should be butchered and fed to blood thirsty vultures."
Wrinkled and left to dry in the sun, Jackie Shroff is in the film too. He was last seen in ‘Bhoot Uncle‘; here he‘s been promoted to being invisible throughout. (That is not the spoiler)
The spoiler is Kango‘s pet name in the film- Nutty. Who knew, there could be no one so apt for this character but Nutty Kango screaming and yelling as if she stepped on a cockroach! Mummieeeee!
The Bitch watched this horror film alone in the theatre. Where's my prize money?
Warning: Spoiler Alert Ahead, Read At Your Own Slow Pace
First day, first show. Hall bilkul empty. Row H, seat number 17, ekdum centrepiece. The Bitch was set for spooks and thrills.
I didn‘t even buy popcorn, coz I thought I‘d spill more than I could chew. The film will be eerie and frightening oh my!
I yelled out to the guy in the projector room to roll the film. Stupid doofus, he started the smoke machine instead.
Grrr, I growled, "Not yet, am not ready for the chills, start the show reel old man."
As Kangana first appeared on the screen, I screamed. How I screamed. Mummieeeeeee!!!
That girl can scare the poo-poo and pee-pee out of me by just appearing in any film. She does not have to be possessed for that. She was born deranged. And the way she speaks with her twisted lisped tongue, is enough to scare anyone who does not believe in ‘andhvishwaas‘.
Adh-ya-yawn is the guy who does not believe in ‘andhvishwaas‘. So he‘s dating the chick. He is anchor Yash who invites Nandita (Kangana) a ramp model, to an awards event where he wins top honors for a television show. A trophy is handed to him which bears an uncanny resemblance to an Oscar. Cough cough, I did!
To celebrate this, they sing a lovely trashy duet in the hills. Then Prithvi (Emraan Hashmi) chances upon Nandita at a mall and he‘s frightened by her scary looks. Just like me.
He tells her he likes to scare people. Totally man, he does scare us all the time when he stars in any goddamn film. Remember Haley Joel Osment in ‘The Sixth Sense‘ and his classic line, "I see dead people." Emraan is one up; he paints dead people he hasn‘t seen!
He paints events before they occur and Nandita happens to be the woman he‘s been heavily painting for no reason. Why doesn‘t he use charcoal? So much precious oil paint is spent, Dali would say surreal!
He tells her that her life is in danger, and he‘s ready to help her find out the raaz about it. The rest...you gotta be kidding if I give away, it‘s a horror film guys! The mystery should continue no?
Here‘s what I‘ll tell you though. There are nods to films such as ‘Ringu‘, The Ring‘ ‘The Ring 2‘ ‘The Shining‘, ‘The Fountain‘. The Bhatts are photo-copying horror prints frame by frame.
Neitzsche‘s ‘God Is Dead‘ quote is mis-interpreted. Sant Kabir‘s doha is used for special effect. Emraan Hashmi‘s paints Che Guevara portraits, and should have been a T-shirt painter instead. Kango walks the ramp and acts as though she‘s possessed and her boyfriend is so blah-ordinary, he really-really scares.
Kango‘s wrists are slashed so many times in the film; she should have been dead by now. Emraan Hashmi should consider painting truck rear ends for a living. Adh-ya-yawn can rot in hell for all I care.
As for the Bhatts, there‘s a writing on the wall, which flashes as a suicide note every time someone dies on screen. It reads, ‘Tum asudh ho, sadh chuke ho‘ meaning "You are a copycat; you should be butchered and fed to blood thirsty vultures."
Wrinkled and left to dry in the sun, Jackie Shroff is in the film too. He was last seen in ‘Bhoot Uncle‘; here he‘s been promoted to being invisible throughout. (That is not the spoiler)
The spoiler is Kango‘s pet name in the film- Nutty. Who knew, there could be no one so apt for this character but Nutty Kango screaming and yelling as if she stepped on a cockroach! Mummieeeee!
Comments (4)
Bwahaha hilarious review. keep ‘em coming. Its a mystery how the Bhatts are still in business, where do they get the money from, to produce such movies? | abc
Good film .. bakwas reviews...
I think you need to decide for urself...very bad review.. bitch can only write bad n not see good.. very very bad.
This movie is really good n not just any crappy story line.. very good story n cinimatagraphy n locations n ACTING.. kangana n imran rock...
Watc n decide for yourself.. there are some really spooky well directed scenes | Rajesh
I think you need to decide for urself...very bad review.. bitch can only write bad n not see good.. very very bad.
This movie is really good n not just any crappy story line.. very good story n cinimatagraphy n locations n ACTING.. kangana n imran rock...
Watc n decide for yourself.. there are some really spooky well directed scenes | Rajesh
Hey Rajesh,
Why don‘t you learn some English and come back?
| Arjun Bhattacharyya
Why don‘t you learn some English and come back?
| Arjun Bhattacharyya
bad film and a bad review...
The review aint bitchy enough.. Maybe the movie just left her absolutely speechless... | Rajesh
The review aint bitchy enough.. Maybe the movie just left her absolutely speechless... | Rajesh
